Share(Transcribe from T.Phap Due’s Vietnamese dharma talk… translated article of Linh Linh from Vietnamese)

In our lives, each of us alternately go through occasion of ups and downs, has to face times of adversity force.  Those events will unexpectedly intrude into our lives without exemption of anyone.  The most important things are how we accept and overcome those unexpected events so that we will have less suffering and to have more stability.  So that we become more embracive, our love can be stronger after each of our suffering.

Recently, my family has to endure a tragedy, which is the passing of one of my younger brother, whom is only 18 years of age.  Just few more days before the Summer Retreat finishes, I received a telephone called from my family that my younger brother, Tony had an accident and is lying unconsciously in the hospital.  I just thought that the calamity is not severe, maybe he will recover, and that is why I tried my best to just wait till the end of the Summer Retreat before asking permission of the Sangha to leave Plum Village to visit my brother.  Not until I returned home that I was surprised how severe my younger brother is.

Upon returning to Toronto, my family had a meeting with the doctor.  After hearing the doctor, he asked us to make a decision: “we would either have to pull the plug so that my brother can depart in a peaceful manner or leave him to lie unconsciously for the rest of his life” my mother collapse upon hearing that news.  I immediately approach my mother, hugged her in my arm to give her comfort for the remainder of the meeting.  That way, my mother can have the support and at the same time, I can also feel the support of my mother, because in me, my emotions are also swirling inside.  If I did not do that, I would probably not able to keep my peace. Indeed it’s a hard decision for my family to make.  My family and friends who are present in that meeting became silenced.  The atmosphere became tensed.  I have no other way than to just get a hold of my breath so that I can keep my stability and calmness.  I had asked questions to the doctor that needed clarifications.  Afterwards, I asked the doctor to give our family 48 hrs to discuss over with the family because at the moment, it is not the best situation to make a decision.

Only when we are faced with an adversity in our lives that we begin to cherished the practiceed of getting in touch of ones breathing.  And each of our steps in mindfulness becomes like a jewel.  For people whom does not have the fortunate to in counter the practice, when facing with unexpected events, they become paniked and undecisive.  They make the situation become foggy and becomes complicated.  In gratitude of our Teacher, of the community, in the years that I had accumulated the practice of peace and stability had penetrated in me without knowing. Having a chance to practice each day with the community had helped mould calmness in me.  I am aware that I have to be able to be solid and peaceful inorder to be a refuge for my beloved ones.

Looking out into the corridor of the hospital, I see my brothers and sisters, my relatives and Tony’s friend are in sorrow and in worries waiting for the news.  I approached them and guide them (15 kids and teenagers) to do walking meditation.  In their daily lives they are mischievous, active, but today, no one told anyone, they walked very solemnly.  They concentrate on ones breathing and each of their steps helped them release some of their stress.  We had walked around the lawn of a near by church, afterward we sat by each other.  From the practice of walking meditation, their mind becomes calmer, their face become to relaxed, but of course, their are kids that all of a suddened cried.  The kids suddenly came up with an idea: to fold 1000 crane to pray for Tony.  Each of the kids all of a sudden gives their hope to the cranes.  They fold with loved and cared and some how, very quickily.  Within a few hours, they were able to hang 1000 cranes around Tony’s bed.  With one pointed mind, and wholehearted prayed and believed that Tony will become healthy and so to be able to play and joke around like the old days.

That evening, John 16 years of age – Tony’s younger brother had gathered all the kids together, moved the chair in the waiting room to the side and sat in meditation.  I am very satisfied with my younger brother practice.  No one told anyone, the adults started to sit down with the kids and prayed together for Tony.  The energy of peace and calmness slowly radiates the whole room.  I decided to make a phone call to Blue Cliff Monastery, New York to ask for support.  Thay Phap Nguyen, Phap Khoi, Phap Chieu & Phap Tam, immediatedly responded to my request and arrived in the morning after.  The monastics that just arrived had help bring in a new energy of lightness for my family.  Each of their actions, were done with mindfulness.  Each of their steps had radiated stability, their faces were peaceful, modest had helped my beloved ones to be peaceful.

Each day, more and more of my relatives comes to my house inorder to share the sorrow of our family.  Our monastic brothers had shared with my family and relatives how to live together in their daily lives.  How to practice when our loved ones unexpectedly departed us.  How to have communication in the family.  The monastics brothers were very close and friendly that is why each and everyone wanted to be near to feel peaceful.  During the noon time and night, the brothers guide them to total relaxation so that they can release their stress.  In those occasions, my family practiced very diligently, the house becomes a monastery and the atmosphere of obscure, sadness were transformed into solemness and pure inorder to pray for Tony.

7 days later, my brother Tony, passed away very peacefully when our family were together by his side around his bed chanting the name of Avalokiteshvara’s name.  We did not have to make any such decision.  Tony loved us, he understood the situation we had to face and so had lefted in a peaceful manner and with courage.  Each day, more and more of my family, relatives and friends attended the funeral inorder to express their love and sorrow.  Some express their morose, cried because of their love for Tony, and so, I shared with them: “Going to a funeral we don’t have to make ourselves or others become more sorrow.”  Each day of the funeral for my brother, had transformed into a mindfulness practice center, with the schedule full from morning till night.  The monastic helped give dharma talks in the funeral home, we had walking meditation, total relaxation, the atmosphere of peace and lightness had radiated the funeral home.  When the brothers guide a total relaxation, each and everyone slowly lie down next to Tony.  The atmophere of peace, solemness caused the worker of the funeral home to be surprised, they shared that they had never witness a funeral like this.  Even the guests that came to shared their sorrow becomes light and peaceful, no one wanted to go home, the worked had to remind us then we realized that it is time to go home.

The day after, before the time of cremation of my brother, we had about 5 young brothers and sister represented us to read stories of recollection about Tony.  This is a letter written by John, younger brother of Tony:

Eulogy:

We are all gathered here today to celebrate the life of my brother, Tony Hoang. Tony was born on August 3rd, 1990. The incident occurred a day before his birthday on August 2, 2008, which caused him to go into a coma. He knew that it would be a difficult decision for the family to decide whether to pull the plug or let him suffer in a coma not knowing if he’ll ever recover, so he unselfishly decided to let go and remove the pressure off our family. This was a tragedy but these misfortunes happen everyday, we were just unfortunate that it happened to someone we love and care about. There are many people who have it much worst though; there are people who lose their whole family, kids who never had a place to call home, and kids who don’t even have food or water. Tony was fortunate to grow up around a very loving, caring, and supportive family. He had food, water and a roof over his head. We should not grieve over his death because he was only 18 years old, but instead we should celebrate the fact that he lived a happy 18 years, not a short 18 years, but a very happy and joyful 18 years.

Tony was gifted in many different ways; he was a very good looking kid with an unforgettable smile. Tony was also really smart… if he wanted to be. There were times where he would bring home a big project from school and brag about the mark he’s gotten on it. The first person he’d always show it to was Binh and he would always reward him by taking him out to eat or buying him some new clothes. This made Tony really happy, not because he’s getting rewarded for his hard work, but because he’s made his brother happy. Another thing about Tony was that he was really talented and ambitious. He learned how to run before he could walk. His first love was basketball. Binh introduced him to the sport and he loved it. He’d always say how he was going to make it to the NBA and everyone supported him because he was really skilled. His jump-shot was silky-smooth, his dribbling skills were relentless, and his drive to the hoop was ruthless. Eventually, he got tired of it. He later developed a passion for boxing. He got into boxing twice; the first time he got into boxing was because he watched an anime and he wanted to learn how to do the Dempsey roll, the Corkscrew blow, and the Smash. So he joined a gym called Sully’s Boxing Gym. He was so excited about it, but eventually got lazy and quit after two weeks. A few years later he watched Floyd destroy Gatti and he fell in love with boxing again and decided to give it another try. So my cousin, Thien, took him, Alvin and me to a boxing gym and signed us up for boxing lessons. Out of the three, Tony was the best. He was the leader and he was the motivator. Boxing was something he was really serious about. He had a nice swift jab and a deadly straight punch with a ferocious left hook and tremendous hand speed. His life-threatening offence made up for his poor defence. He dominated in sparring sessions and he had potential to be a great boxer. Of all the gifts that he was given, his greatest gift was his heart. He worked hard to make money so he could help out the family. He did anything to make us happy and he will definitely watch over us and bless us with good fortune.

A few days ago my cousin, Quoc, gave us a great speech: He said, “You shouldn’t wait to express your feelings for someone you love and we should be able to have family gatherings without the cost of a person.” I never told Tony I love him. So I hope it’s not too late to tell you this now. Tony, you were nothing less then perfect. You always tried to help me when I needed it. Through the bad times and the good times, I will always love you and you’ll always be in my heart. Even though you’re gone, I don’t feel you’re actually gone. The other day when I was looking for your suit with Thien I felt like I sprained my knee or something. I usually have good knees but you had a knee problem so I feel like a part of you is inside me. I love you and you will always be with me. I wish you the best of luck in the afterlife and may you rest in peace.

John

Rain starts sprinkling in the sky when we brang Tony into a place of rest.  The loved and compassion from everyone had helped my parent warm and not too sorrowful.  My parent was secretly touched and proud of their kids to have listened to those lovely words.  We did hugging meditation.  The rain drops had followed the wind.  People say that, during the time of cremation, that there are some rain, it is a sign of wellness.  Looking far into the sky, I see Tony is resting peacefully, you are resting in a nice and peaceful place and you will manifest in a new form to continue on with your journey.  In me radiate a smile from the smile of my younger brother and remembered the poem:

This body is not me.
“I am not limited by this body.
I am life without boundaries.
I have never been born,
And I have never died.
Look at the ocean and the sky filled with stars, manifestations from my wondrous True Mind.
Since before time, I have been free.
Birth and death are only doors through which we pass,
Sacred thresholds on our journey.
Birth and death are a game of hide-and-seek.
So laugh with me,
Hold my hand,
Let us ay good-bye,
Say  good-bye, to meet again soon.
We meet today.
We will meet again tomorrow.
We will meet at the source every moment.
We meet each other in all forms of life.